I stayed up a little too late last night. But it was Friday! All the same, that doesn’t make a huge difference to the time the children get up and between 6am and 8am, they were in with a question or a comment pretty much every 5 minutes. It’s frustrating when this happens because I feel too tired to actually wake up and get up, yet I don’t really get the benefit of any extra sleep with the two hours being so disturbed. I guess I get some benefit, but I don’t know enough about sleep to determine the ROI.

Anyway, a slightly disturbing thing happened when we finally got around to offering them breakfast. T. kept saying he didn’t want anything – which is unusual. Usually he’s very fond of breakfast. We offered all manner of things and he said “No thank you, no thank you. I don’t want anything.” So “are you sick?”, “Is your belly sore?”. Finally he says: “I don’t want my belly to grow, and if I eat my belly will get big.”

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I feel we’re pretty food positive in this house. No-one diets as such. I don’t make them finish what’s on their plates, however I do explain that they need protein, carbohydrates and fibre (which is my code for fruit and veg) in their diets.

I still can’t figure out what triggered his belly being big worry (both children are probably slightly below average weight for height – I struggle to buy trousers long enough that will stay up on them!) – but he does seem to be accepting now that he should eat when he’s hungry, stop when he’s full and be sure to get plenty of exercise.

It has be questioning the unconscious messages I’m sending to them though. I have answered “why are you going running?” with “to make my belly smaller”. I have never mentioned anything about diet though, other than to mention that certain foods are for treats, and that eating them every day would make a person sick.

I wonder so if it’s coming from tv shows or school.

And I suppose that building resilience is not about protecting him from experiencing these thoughts and emotions, but rather that he’d know how to deal with them correctly when they come up. And that he’d always tell us. So then we can help.

I’m feeling a bit less worried now, but it was a bit of a shock when it first came up. He’s now sitting watching a short kids video about how the digestive system works.

So, it’s Saturday. Late last night I finally remembered to put up my new “Not Funny, Just True” comic. Here it is. I’m kind of pleased with my drawing in this one, and it really helped me to draw it – I was finding it difficult to cope with the up-down feelings I was going through. I really did feel consumed by guilt over my lack of control over my irritated reactions, and drawing it out at least acknowledged what all was going on in me. All? Maybe not all but certainly the focus at that time.

I’ve another drawing or two at various stages of development going on, but finding it pretty hard to discover enough time and energy to get to it. It’s important. But they’re all important dogs, Brent. It’s just a lot right now.

I want to resign from one of the committees I’m on in school. I got asked to join it last year and did, but there are now four people on the committee and they’re all from the Maths Department so I can’t think I’m really needed on it. Also, and more importantly, there’s a committee that I really want to join, but I don’t have the bandwidth to be on three committees. I’ve already sent in my “I want to join up” to the new one, but I’ve not yet tendered my resignation to the other.

Next week, I think. There’s a lot of up front work needed, but I don’t even want to add it to my thought-list, let alone Open Loops it.

Right, now I’m just spinning around. I’m avoiding making a plan for today because I just want to feel like I’m on holidays with no obligations. All the same, I know the day will quickly slip away. It’s already 10am and everyone’s still in pyjamas. I know there are things I want to do today, and the kids want to go swimming, but it all adds up in terms of time and if I don’t look at the actual logistics, nothing will happen.

Shhhhh. Later. I’ll be responsible and organised later.

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