I lazily swung my legs out of bed at about 6:30 this morning thinking how much time I had and that I could spend my morning in a relaxed state getting ready for the day. But now it’s nearly an hour later and I’m only just sitting down at the keyboard to type. I’m sleepy and a bit sore and already starting to worry about the coming day.
So much for calm and relaxed!
I’m feeling kind of smug and pleased with myself all the same. I had a goal and I just met it – a 10km run, completed with no walk breaks, and even better – under the hour. I don’t think I’ve been sub 60 minutes on 10km since Japan years – even when we were marathon training, I’m pretty sure we were always doing 6.5 minutes per km – which to be fair is a way more reasonable pace and the very one I’m going to return to now that this race is completed.
I experienced a bit too many post-exercise effects late last night with blood-sugar crash and feeling dizzy and cold. Not something that feels instinctively good for my body on a regular basis.
All the same, I’ve got the happy glow of accomplishment around my heart, and it’s keeping me on track for that half marathon come June.
Am I going to keep up my running habit forever? Like, right now I feel as though I’m training “up” for very specific goals: I want to be able to run about 13 miles (mostly) non-stop; I want to hit 1000km for this whole year, or get as close as possible to it; I want to lose weight; I want to get to an as yet undetermined level of fitness. It will take at least another 8 months of running before I’ll start to see the land of running fitness that I’m aiming towards. But once I get there I can see myself suddenly losing the motivation to keep it up. That’s silly, of course. I mean, why spend a year and half training and then abandon all the fruits of that labour by not establishing a maintenance training programme.
Anyway, enough of my self-back patting and living in the theoretical future of uber-fitness and awesomeness. I’ve been falling prey to old day-dreaming imagining habits – live in a created future world for too long and you’ll start to become pretty frustrated with the day-to-day slog, and also you’ll stop appreciating the those beautiful crystaline moments of joy that are flitting past – they won’t stop and wait for you to notice them, you’ve got to peel your eyes and catch and hold them for yourself.
There’s pink seeping through the blue-grey clouds behind the latticed lace of tree-leaves outside my window. It’s a colour combination that always hits me right in the heart; some unnameable combination of nostalgia, sense of present living and feeling like the future has infinite potential. There are a few different sky combinations that manage that for me. All I have to remember to do is look at the sky and breathe deep, feeling the air in my lungs.
And with that thought I suddenly worried that I don’t remind my children to take in these moments of amazement. And then I remembered – no one taught me to do it. And if they had, I’m not sure it could have the same kind of meaning for me. It’s just something everyone has to figure out for themselves, I guess. And it’s likely to be a hundred thousand different potential triggers depending on the person, I guess.
When this week is done, it’s five more weeks until Christmas holidays. I am a big fan of Christmastime – I know it’s not everyone’s favourite holiday, but it’s definitely a Sky-Feeling time of year to me. And the children are growing into that sweet age when they’re really appreciating it with a sense of wonder and magic too. I hope that’s something they get to keep for many years to come.
I’m feeling quite a bit of work pressure at the moment. I usually have that feeling at this time of year, I suppose, but I’d had great hopes that this year would be different and I’d be better organised and better at keeping on top of the workload. Things are time-sensitive and if I run out of time on an evening it often means the opportunity has passed and that plan just sloughs away. A dead plan. Forget it.
I’m not going to completely live in the future of Christmastime though. Maybe there’s something of joy and pleasure to be found in the hard work of the next few weeks.
Just look at the sky, after all.