It’s finally Friday. I feel like I’ve dragged a goodly percentage of myself, slightly insensate, over the finish line of the week. Well, we’re not there yet, but the hardest thing I was going to do today is already done – I got myself out of bed.
It’s not going to get any easier over the next few hours, and I’m feeling more than a little guilty over not having the corrections for my 3rd years completed, but the whole past week has been taken up with activities that are outside of teaching and learning. I find it really frustrating when that happens in my job, because I feel that teaching and learning is my primary purpose as a teacher. Sure, extra curricular stuff is nice, and the overall running of the school, introducing the new tenets in well-being and preparing for the upcoming whole school evaluation are important, but … that’s a bit more like the waste run-off that’s produced by an institution whose primary product is educated young people. You can’t let anything drop, you can’t allow the run-off to become toxic, and if we can be effective and do more than one thing, all the better, but if we neglect to focus on the primary product, what even are we doing?
Anyway, I feel mildly better after that mini-rant. Ranting about this in the actual school environment wouldn’t be appropriate; it would add negativity into the atmosphere which no one needs right now when they’re just trying to push through a difficult period. All the same, I can’t help but feel that the people who are doing all the documentation work right now, and flying around the school preparing the environment and the students are not the very people whose ultimate responsibility it is to care for the overall running and well being of the school.
No need to say more. I’m not going to get tangled up in making myself feel negative either. And as for my correcting (or lack of it) guilt, well, I know I’ve done all I could do. I would have to make the same choice again in the same situation – and could I have done it earlier? No, not really. The choices there were around my sleep, my wellbeing, basic care of myself and family, or forcing myself to work through it when I was sick and exhausted and could barely open my eyes for head pain.
So there we are. I don’t really like feeling guilty and “behind” like this, but this too shall pass and the truly necessary things will get done. Or they will fail to get done and life will continue on a different pathway, with different solutions to whatever obstacles occur.
Remember, perfect is the enemy of “done”. It won’t be perfect, but it will be done, and that will be its own type of perfect in this fast-paced, ever changing life.
Had to get up and make children-breakfast. When I’m feeling like I am today – like a cup full up to the brim with responsibility – any small extra thing can start to feel a bit overwhelming. And life is such that you’re pretty much guaranteed to have something extra come up throughout the course of the day. Maybe I just need to tell myself that “my cup floweth over”. I’m lucky to even have these problems.
G. is worried about the leak from our pipes that’s visible on the footpath outside of our house. We’ve pushed off and pushed off on fixing it, because we’re planning on knocking the whole place, so we don’t want to spend tens of thousands on something that will hopefully be redundant in about 6 months time. But it feels really uncomfortable to feel like there’s this undealt with problem, with an insufficient stop-gap bandage. G.’s reminding me of its existence this morning was an unwelcome intrusion in my brain, but! My cup floweth over. We have a house. We will probably end up with a slightly less expensive, slightly firmer bandage in a while.
Things have stalled slightly on moving forward with the house project, and that adds to the frustration of the whole thing. As soon as we can off the planning permission application, we’ll have a more reliable timeline for when we’ll be out of here. But at the moment it’s all so uncertain. It’s frustrating, but we just have to wait. Maybe one more week and then get a different accountant if we still haven’t heard back from him!!
But for the today, my cup is full, and if more is added, I will breathe and let it flow down my sides.