When I first started writing these posts back in April – and earlier than that, when I was using 750words for the same introspective typing (only private), I would get straight down to it as soon as I woke up. But I’m finding myself procrastinating now.

I like writing my words here. I enjoy the act of it, but even more I enjoy the effects. I know that I’m actually a better person for having done it. And I used even be better about the odd interruption that would come in the middle of typing, but now I think I’m more frustrated by it, less able to hold my train of thought. Or maybe just less willing to put in the work.

Things that are manageable and put-up-able-with for a few months can start to grate when you realise you’re going to have to do it for the rest of your life.

I’m not just talking about the interruption stuff there, but even the writing itself. This is like my own form of self-therapy, right? This is like medication for me – it files down the sharp unpleasant peaks of a high and gently raises up my boat on a low ebbing sea.

Okay, obviously it can’t do everything, but it’s a good set-up for the day.

I know there are other things that help too such as sufficient sleep, exercise, and the all important less wordy introspective time of meditation. There are also things that it probably helps to not do, such as waste time on social media and being distracted by random internet listicles that in no way bring greater fulfilment to my life. And eating.

In the wake of the stress I was feeling from Christmas in parent-house, I noticed once more I was turning to junk and sugar and salt. I had given myself permission to take a big break and slipped into autonomous mode and the old beliefs surfaced; this permission to relax necessitated something more than just the time given to myself, I would need to add something into the mix, something to take me out of the hated self. Alcohol was done for, but food was still a possibility. There were mile-high sandwiches to be made and accompanied by 2-3 packets of Taytos. There are at least 3 selection boxes, 2 boxes of biscuits and couple of tubs of Celebrations on the go as well. It would nearly be a sin not to make some inroads into them!

Christmas has all these imbibing fallacies around it. It’s set up as the pinnacle of fun and family, and if you’re not doing both of those things, then you’re doing Christmas wrong, which means you’re doing the year wrong, and maybe even doing life wrong. And part of the fun is obviously eating and drinking like it’s going out of style. Turning down the treats offered on the many family visits is breaking the family contract. And the fun contract. It’s Christmas after all! It’s a month of distracting ourselves from mid-winter. And maybe even our lives.

Anyway, I think I’ve gotten a bit more perspective on myself and my needs starting today. I’m going to do my best to pay attention to what my body actually requires and I’m even going to start to think about my New Year’s Resolutions.

Yes, I know – another thing that’s attached to a certain time of year without any great meaning or guarantee of success. In fact the literature seems to indicate that it’s the worst possible time of year to make a big change, what with the dark depressing days and the stresses of everything else that tends to be going on in January.

Well, I’ve still always found it to be a good boost for myself. Last year I did “Drynuary” and it gave me the excuse to be out in the open about not drinking. Everyone else was doing the same, or something similar. I fit within the expected social mould. I continued on into a few weeks of February before having a very wet March indeed, but I felt like it was the dry run I needed (pardon the pun) in order to make my final change come last April.

There are lots of things I want to start bringing in as habits for myself at the start of 2018. A social media fast, perhaps? Meditation? I keep saying I want to, that I believe it will make a difference to me. Yoga. Yes. I want to start with a month of yoga. And drawing. And reading. And writing. And keeping up with house clutter…. and …. and… and.

Oh. I see the problem here.

Well, I’ve got another two days to think about it, I guess.

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