Another choice to make this morning – writing or yoga. Writing takes about three times as long as yoga and maybe I would have had time for both this morning if I hadn’t just spent the last fifteen minutes having a discussion about marriage and whistling with my children, so I guess that was the choice.

Anyway it’s Friday and I managed to get the robot working last night. I suppose I should have either (a) fixed it a couple of weeks back so that the students could have modified the code further or (b) learned how to do it in advance of yesterday morning so that I could have lead them through the process yesterday. It’s fine, live and learn (teach and learn) but I know that I feel like I haven’t done a great job in delivering this course and maybe that’s the real reason that I have this pit of anxiety in my stomach; it feels like it won’t be long before I’ll be found out and have to face the music. It feels like a prediction of how the Computer Science course is going to go.

Teaching technology is difficult. I don’t think I was taught particularly well in the first place – most of it I taught myself by reading tutorials and figuring stuff out. Actually I remember how stressful it was learning that stuff at the time. But I have no good model to draw on in order to teach it to others, so I’ve sort of been doing what was done to me which is dumping the students in the deep end, pointing at a buoy on the horizon and saying “swim there”. There’s resilience and self-directed learning and there’s deep-sea swimming.

I suppose I have learned a lot from this course. Maybe this will mean I won’t repeat some of these same mistakes next year. I’m not sure that I’ll even be teaching it next year anyway. Must organise my timetabling meeting soon.

Ha! I’ve just talked myself into a more optimistic mindset.

Now that this busy day is finally here I think I’m feeling kind of excited about it. I’m a little nervous about managing 16 students by myself in a wide and crowded space, but it will be fine it will be fine. I’m sure.

I no longer have a dinner with old friends scheduled for the evening. My birthday having  friend has the flu so all is pushed off to another as yet undetermined day in the future. I’m happy enough that things are a little less crowded for the weekend. One more week of hard work after this and then we’re into the lovely relaxed two weeks of pre-exams and work experience, then a mid-term break. Three weeks of bliss, work-work-work, Easter, wind-up work, Summer.

Oops – see what I did there, imagining my life away again.

I’ve woken in an inexplicably good mood. I got less sleep last night than even any of the other nights for the rest of the week. My weight is feeling too much, my skin is feeling bad, I have a full-on busy day ahead, but …. I’ve done all the preparation work I can do now, so it’s time to live the day and I guess enjoy it even!

So this weekend will be a little prep work for next week, a lot of not overloading ourselves like we did last weekend. The following one is going to be Warpcon which is always a full up weekend that leaves us out of routine and spinning around the place. I’m going to forget about fixing (or attempting to fix) anything more on my insides, outsides, thoughts and behaviours until after that.

That reminds me to worry about house changes and plans. No movement on that front just yet. Next week? How long do we wait? It’s felt like it’s “on the cusp” of movement for so long at this point; two months? more? Anyway, It’s getting a bit old thinking that it’s going to move at any moment. I know it will all have seemed like “not all that long” when it’s all done and we finally have our house. I. Just. Hate. Waiting.

Sure, everyone hates waiting and I am not going to claim that I’m somehow special in my hatred for it. Right now, however, I’m having a period of my life where I feel like waiting is defining a large chunk of my existence and that makes me feel like my life is not able to proceed. Which is a lie of course. Get on with my life in the background.

Okay, time to take that advice. To CIT and beyond!

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