Hi blog. Wow, I hadn’t realised how long it’s been since I wrote here; 11 days?! Sorry.
Sorry, not sorry! I’ve been busy indulging myself in the writing of a fantasy fiction story. I’ve harboured the notion of writing a book-length story before, but it’s rarely made it past shower musings – at one point I got down a whole three pages before I abandoned it, but this time I’ve gone a little further and I’m nearly 16000 words (terrible words to be sure, but words from these very own fingertips of mine) into it, with a desire to still write more.
It’s been challenging to be sure, but I’m enjoying the challenge and I want to keep going. So I’m going to keep going for the next while. I’m making no commitments to finish or present a final manuscript to anyone other than my husband, but I’ll keep going for as long as it’s fun for me.
The downside, unfortunately, is that I’m choosing between writing here and writing there in the mornings and the paucity of updates here shows clearly who’s winning that battle right now.
So, I don’t want to stop writing here. I think it’s good for me on multiple levels. Ideally I’d do both, but in actuality it’s not working out that way and I’m content enough with what I’m doing these days that I’m happy to leave it there.
In other news, we’ve planned an afternoon for a child-free excursion. A Cork Heritage Centre has opened a ten-minute walk away. We nearly went there with children on Tuesday, but recalling our conversation of a couple of weeks ago, we’ve a plan to have grown-up awake time together.
I’m really looking forward to it, but I worry that it is about to carry the weight of my entire marriage on it. A bit much for a couple of afternoon hours!
It’s pretty good to have the odd thing like this in our lives, but it’s going to be important to address the underlying issues. Communication. Assumptions. Ignoring each other and pursuing parallel interests.
I think it won’t take changing so very much. I think I’m one who most assuredly needs to work on communication. I come in from work in the evening and G. asks about my day and I just don’t want to talk about it. Then before we know it we’re covered in children, then bedtime and exhaustion cap off the day. One day like that is fine. Even a week is okay, but before we knew it, it became a habit.
It’s all a bit better as I’m on Easter Holidays and my brain feels a little more able for conversation and communications. I also had a conversation with the kids about their expectation that their contributions to the conversation were most important. They actually do seem to be accepting of it – although it’s down to us to enforce it.
I’ve also been thnking about happiness in life, or at least contentment and gratitude.
I think I sometimes have a tendency to focus on the things I’m not doing in life; the ways in which I’m not enough. With the advent of Easter break and a little time and space for myself, I’ve found that perspective has shifted enough to have a monumental impact on my self-perception. I’ve spent the last few days thinking more about all I do and it’s been a fine salve for my ego.
I run, I write, I occasionally draw. I cook, I clean (a little), I’m decent at my job. I read, I connect, I’ve stayed alcohol free for nearly one year. I want more, but I’m doing lots.
I am not nothing.
I know, I know. Tune in next week to meet the neurotic ball of worry and self-flagellation and despair that it’s all impossible anyway and how does anyone anywhere stay alive and not get an anti-biotic resistant staff-infection from the filth of their houses.
Oh, is that just me?
It doesn’t hurt that the sun is out these days and there’s brightness in the mornings and evenings and despite a long final term, Summer – blessed soul-relieving Summer – is just around the corner.
It’s never long enough though. Every time I have holidays from work, I realise just how much I want to stay off! I don’t hate my work by any means – and maybe if I was completely free from it I’d regret it and miss it. Well, I know I’d miss the income anyway!
But yeah. There’s just so much I want to do every day.
I don’t know when I’ll see you guys here again, but I don’t think it will be quite as long next time!