My brother showed up unexpectedly yesterday evening to install our new hob. I say unexpectedly, but we had asked if he’d be available to do such as task – it was only unexpected as I didn’t know what day he’d be available, or what time and so it was a little short notice before our kitchen was turned to a sawdust land of tools, and the rest of the house became a playground for five kids – one on crutches, and one with a virus. 

It was fine, despite the fact that our kitchen is really the only “public” space in our house – well, I guess family just have to take your messy bedrooms as they find them when there’s nowhere else to go! But it was pretty tiring all the same and it messed up my eating schedule and my blood sugars ended up a little all over the place yesterday. They were back good again this morning, so I won’t worry about it overly much. 

The hob installation turned out to be a much bigger job than anticipated and the wiring of it was far from straightforward. It’s in and working and shiny and cool now though. Bad news, unfortunately; I discovered this morning when going to grill some cheese onto my toast that the oven now won’t turn on. I’m guessing they were on the same circuit or some such – look, I actually won’t even speculate, because it’s the height of my ability to wire and plug and anything more complicated than that in the DIY or electronics sphere is beyond my comprehension.

Okay – for sure I know it’s not “beyond comprehension” but I’ve never had the interest to find out and I’m unlikely to. I am pretty useless when it comes to the mechanics of things like cars and televisions and other household electronics, but I’ve no issue building my own computer or troubleshooting some complex pieces of robotics coding. One would thing all these things would exist in similar areas of expertise, but they just don’t seem to for me. They’re probably a lot closer than my laziness gives it credit for though. 

So … other stuff? 

I’m fast approaching my thirty blog posts here. Then I’m going to start making small incremental changes to my life to raise up the priority of creative stuff, etc. Number one thing will be to attempt to write in the mornings before the rush of getting ready for school. Number two – do the same thing but for weekends. Number three – not exactly sure yet, but figure out some schedule of time that I’ll dedicate to creative pursuits. 

I know there’re two or three projects that I’m anxious to get back to. I don’t want to start something new… well, of course I want to start something new, but I’ve a goal to actually complete something so I’ll go back to one of the following:

  • The Harvesters: Means getting the old pages off external drive and new site up and running and then starting drawing again.
  • The Chosen Ones: I want to go back to outline stage. Well, I never did an outline, but now I think I’m ready to do that. Then rework the first 20,000 words and then go from there.
  • Fish for Fish: Long slumbering, but unfinished. Going back there feels like an insurmountably large project. 
  • Forty for Forty: Already I’m 41-and-a-half and I’ve only drawn 2 (or three?) of my self-portrait sketches.

That’s it for now. It’s really the first two that have the cobwebby back gears of my mind slowly grinding up. I feel kind of excited about getting back to them, but it will require routine and focus and the summoning up of energy that I’m currently pouring into refreshing Goodreads and binge-watching Netflix whilst playing Cookie Cats.

At the moment, it all exists in that sweet spot of potential. I’ve got great intentions and I really feel like I’m going to do it. I haven’t had to face down the brick wall of my own inertia and procrastination and fear of creating bad stuff and the soul-grinding days of doing the boring work that needs to be done to bring things to completion. 

What can you do though? Things get boring. Your own work feels “old hat” and derivative and childish and pointless. But what’s the alternative? To do nothing because nothing ever quite matches the vision in your head? How the hell are you going to improve if you take that view?

I may not be the most talented person in the world, but creating things gives me joy. And so I must do it, or live like a boxed Helena with amputated limbs.