This is the first morning where I’m attempting to write here before the school-run and breakfast and all the rest and I’m already late. It’s 07:15 which is the time we’re “meant” to be waking up for school stuff, but we’re usually late. So, yeah. I’m late. I think technically I’m too late to get this all done before the morning routine kicks in. 

But I’m not too late to get some of it done. 

Maybe that’s where I’m starting so. Doing “some” rather than “none”. Because the desire to do things according to a perfect plan will make me throw everything out and decide to do nothing at all. And most of all I don’t want to do nothing at all. 

Yesterday evening was another wasted one, punctuated with greed and stomach cramps. 

Greed is not quite right, but I’m really struggling with managing both my hunger-levels and my sugar levels appropriately. If I have a day that’s away from the kitchen where I have existing appropriate snacks set up, then it all gets messed up despite my best intentions. I was two hours too late in having a post-lunch snack which meant that I ate it too close to dinner, but I was still starving hungry, despite the fact that my pre-dinner sugars were just over the line. 

Then I ate a dessert that was too sweet and post dinner was on the line. So I waited too long to have pre-bed snack because I was hoping for the levels to come down a bit before sleep. They did a bit, but … not really enough. And now I suspect my morning levels are high. 

The morning levels are a weird one and I’m not sure exactly when I’m meant to measure them. Is it as soon as I wake up, or is it “pre-breakfast”? Well, I’ve been told to eat breakfast within 30 minutes of measuring and if I measured now, that wouldn’t happen. I’ve always been slow to eat breakfast in the morning. I always always wake with a slightly queasy stomach and it takes half an hour to an hour before I can even contemplate food. 

So I’ll write here first, then I’ll do the levels. That feels like a kind of fair compromise. 

Now if you think it’s boring reading about this, imagine what it’s like having to think about it at least seven times a day. I feel like I’m being put on trial seven times a day, with seven little droplets of blood judging how well I’m performing at gestational diabetes. 

This past week I certainly don’t feel as if I’ve been performing adequately anyway. That’s for sure. 

Subject Change: We may find out today if house-stuff is finally sorted. It’s probably more likely tomorrow though. And officially I imagine we won’t see it until the end of the week. 

I’m so worn out by the process that I feel like I’ve lost the ability to even be excited about it though. Well, I guess my dreams haven’t! I was visiting houses and making architectural plans in them all night last night. But yeah, the last day of getting the contract sorted was just so intense that I felt myself shut down. 

It was time-sensitive – if we didn’t get it signed on Thursday evening, then it wasn’t going to happen in good enough time to give us the confidence to not do all the work involved in addressing their submission and the attendant costs that go with that. But there was a query over contract language and our solicitor was AWOL. Solicitors are not the people to deal with if you want a five-minute turn around. In fact they seem to think turn around times of days at a time are acceptable. In the best scenarios that’s frustrating, but in time-sensitive ones like this was it becomes traumatic. 

In the end, following a phone call with said solicitor, and after waiting an hour for a promised follow-up email with appropriate legal phrasing, we just went with out own phrasing, got agreement and signed the damned thing.

But somewhere in that hour-long wait, and debating what to do without perfect shiny legal advice, I lost the ability to be okay about the whole thing. It was kind of break-down or shut-down, and to be honest I did a tiny bit of both. I’m still not entirely sure if I’m “back” from it either. 

Let’s see if the excitement returns when the final grant appears. 

Anyway, look! It’s just after half-past and I’ve made it to the end. Not sure what of value I’ve put here, but I did a thing after all.

Now it’s time to morning.

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